


Fruit Loops

by TabbyStar



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: F/M, Pranks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-09
Updated: 2014-06-09
Packaged: 2018-02-04 01:47:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1762183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TabbyStar/pseuds/TabbyStar
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Phil ate the last of the fruit loops. This means war in Melinda's book.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fruit Loops

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt from sarahastro on tumblr. Sorry for being late dearie, but I'm at camp. The wifi sucks and only half the fic emailed from my computer so a lot of rewriting was done last night.

It all started with one bowl of cereal. How was Phil supposed to know that the fruit loops belonged to Melinda May and Melinda May alone. Her name was clearly written onto the box with a very bright yellow sticky note, but Phil is getting old and his eyesight is not what it once was. Everyone awoke to Melinda's angry shouting at five the next morning. She entered each bunk to question her younger teammates and make threats. She later tried to forget the horrifying sight she met upon entering Leo's bunk. Needless to say, neither Leo nor Jemma ate the last of the fruit loops. Melinda proceeded to knock on every other door before yelling at its inhabitants. After asking everyone else, she stormed into Phil's office where he would presumably be working. By this time, she had calmed down enough to just glare at him before slamming the empty box onto his desk.

 

"Why did you eat my fruit loops?

 

"The fruit loops were yours? They were in the kitchen. I didn't see anyone's name written on the box." Melinda silently pointed the the sticky note where her name was clearly written in bold letters. "I'm sorry Melinda; I didn't see your name. Why don't you hide food in your room like everyone else?"

 

"I do not hide my food because I would think that everyone would be smart enough to look at the box and see that the food was mine." That an the fact that she hated bugs. Super spy Melinda May hated bugs. Whenever she saw one she got Phil to kill it. "This is not over Philip Coulson. You will pay for eating my fruit loops and ruining my perfectly wonderful morning."

 

She gave him one more ruthless glare before storming to the cockpit. Hopefully, she would regain some of her earlier happiness after flying the bus. It should be noted that her day did greatly improve as she flew thinking the entire time about how she would enact her revenge.  After all, Melinda May with out coffee was like Jemma Simmons without her daily tea.  Needless to say, this is very, very bad news.

***

Melinda did nothing for the next week leaving Phil to worry about what she would do. He briefly entertained the idea that she forgot or had only been making an empty threat, but then he remembered that malice in her eyes on that fateful morning. On the seventh day of waiting, Melinda finally struck. Upon waking up, Phil noticed a distinct lack of something in his room. It wasn't until after his shower that he noticed it; all of this Captain America memorabilia was gone. Ooh, he was angry! What if she had ruined them? In a frantic haze of worry and anger, Phil when to the main room where Melinda was doing tai chi.

 

"What did you do with all of my things?!"

 

She moved calmly into the next pose before quietly answering him. "What things are you talking about Phil?"

 

"My Captain America memorabilia. Where is it? If you harmed any of it, I swear you will regret the day --"

 

"Calm down Phil. You are too stressed; you should think of your health at times like these. Relax. Your things are in the utility closet under the Windex cleaner."

 

"This means war May. No one touches my Cap memorabilia. Not even you!" He rushed off missing the small smile that was slowly spreading across the pilot's face. The prank war had begun. She knew that this was going to be an enjoyable week of pranks.

 

***

 

"What's going on with them?" The younger teammates had all gathered in the kitchen when they heard yelling in the cockpit.

 

"I believe that May stole some of Coulson's things in retaliation for the fruit loops last week." Jemma at this point looked over at Skye who was rummaging around in the cupboard pulling out boxes of food. "I don't know about you two, but I'm going to grab my laptop and some food and hide away in my bunk until they work this out. A prank war between the two most dangerous people I know I not something that I want to see."

 

The scientists came to the same conclusion as Skye when they heard the team's leader rumaging around in the utility closet. Each young agent proceeded to raid the kitchen of their favorite non perishable foods before going to their hiding place. Skye went to her bunk and FitzSimmions locked themselves away in Leo's bunk to marathon Star Trek on Netflix.

***

Melinda woke up the next morning at exactly 4:48 like always. She put on her workout clothes and went downstairs to do her tai chi.

 

Phil being the super spy that he is knew her morning schedule down to the minute. So at 5:02 he was in her bunk with the shrink ray. Fitz had began a prototype for said shrink ray and eventually lost interest, but they still had it on the bus. Phil decided to put it to use despite the slightly less than desirable previous effects: therefor, he shrunk all of May's clothes. Every piece of clothing she owned was shrunk by at least four sizes. It was a pretty low move since she only had the clothes she was currently wearing namely a sports bra and leggings, but she had stolen his Cap memorabilia. In his mind, that was a good enough reason to shrink all of her clothes even the dirty ones.

 

After finishing her workout, Melinda went upstairs to shower and change into her normal clothes. She showered and wrapped her towel around herself before going to her closet. She put on panties (which Phil had kindly left at the proper size -- he wasn't that cruel after all), but she couldn't seem to fit into any of her other clothes. Then, it dawned on her. "PHILIP COULSON!" Melinda and Phil had a long chat in which time they discovered exactly why the shrink ray was a prototype. Melinda was left with nothin to wear, so she did the only natural thing, ask the other women to lend her clothes.

 

First, she knocked on Fitz bunk since the two scientists were still watching Star Trek to ask Jemma about clothes. "Of course! I think you would fit into my pants if you wanted to try; however, I think you might prefer Skye's tops." Jemma explained after receiving a quizzical look from the older woman "Skye owns more black and a multitude of sports bras."

 

"I think I'll ask her in that case thank you for the pants." She turned pulling up her towel as she left them to watch more Netflix. Melinda was not quite as angry as one might expect by this prank. She did start the prank war by retaliating for the corn flake incident. She borrowed some clothes from Skye and Jemma, so she at least had clothes. Melinda passed Phil in the hall and didn't even yell. She might have stuck her foot out effectively tripping him up, but who could blame her? She sighed in happiness when she finally sank into her pilot's chair because these clothes were pretty darn comfy an she loved to fly. She flipped off the auto pilot once again taking control of her bus. Melinda made preparations to land when she saw that they were nearing a small city in Nebraska. "Buckle up. We touch down in five." Melinda May might be comfy in the borrowed clothes; however, she had the smallest feet of everyone on the team and she would not continue to walk around barefoot.

 

***

 

Melinda returned from her impromptu shopping trip with only some new boots and socks (if she bought new clothes, Phil would only shrink them again). In her time away, she decided on the perfect prank. Later that night when everyone was asleep, Phil awoke to the sound of the High School Musical soundtrack. No matter what he did, the loud overly happy high schoolers would not stop making noise. Needless to say, Phil Coulson did not sleep anymore that night; however, he did finish some paper work that should have been completed a month prior. Melinda spent a nice sleep filled night in the silence of her own bunk dreaming of her favorite Disney movies. It was nice being able to control the speakers on the bus. And if Skye helped out a little in exchange for shooting lessons, so what?

 

***

 

Tuesday nights were team dinner and game nights, and a few things were common knowledge. Skye would win the battleship tournament. Fitz would win the Operation tournament. Jemma would get cold and wrap up in a blanket while dominating at Monopoly. American Dream was won buy someone different every week. It was a toss up between Melinda and Phil as to who won Risk games. 

 

It was also know that Phil would cook for the dinner portion of the night seeing as he was the only one who could cook. Skye showed some promise, but she needed more lessons before she would be allowed to cook for the group. Melinda could cook as well; however, every thing she made contained either rice or heavy spices (Mother May taught her daughter to cook no question about it). However; after one night of Melinda's cooking, it was decided that Coulson would do the cooking from them on. Tuesday night was also the night that Phil planned to get back at Melinda for the lovely night of music. 

 

He had decided to make his grandmother's famous beef stew which was known to be a team favorite. Except this time, he dumped the whole bottle of chili powder in the pot. Leo was a vegetarian, and Skye adored spicy food (she was the only one who could stomach Melinda's cooking). Phil had warned Jemma not to eat anything until after Melinda. The second her spoon left her lips, Melinda was up and running for the refrigerator. The team watched in awe as the normally extremely heath conscious Agent May downed an entire two liter of coke to get rid of the taste of the flaming stew.

 

***

 

They continued to prank each other as the week moved on much to the amusement of their younger teammates. Skye broke into the KGB's system only to realize she didn't know Russian, so she then hacked into Rosetta Stone to learn the language. Leo and Jemma finished Star Trek (only the original series this go yet it is still an impressive feat) and moved on to Disney movies. Occasionally, one of them would be asked to help with a prank, but they were not part of the war generally. But they all want it on record that neither Jemma, nor Skye, nor Leo helped with the final prank in the war. Not that Melinda asked for help because she didn't want to endanger them.

 

****

It was nearing lunch time about a week after the Fruit Loop incident when Phil decided to venture down to the kitchen for a sandwich. As he took his first bite, Phil realized that it was oddly quiet on the bus. He could normally hear Skye typing on the couch or Leo and Jemma on Netflix or doing something in the lab; however, the couch was empty so were all the bunks. He was becoming more and more worried fearing that something terrible had happened. He made his way towards the labs to see if anyone was down there. Phil realized what was wrong as soon as he reached the bottom of the spiral stair case.

 

Lola, his beautiful precious Lola, was covered in what looked like maple syrup. The seats and floor boards were drowning in a sea of multicolored confetti. Melinda May would pay for this. Skye, Leo, and Jemma slid out of their hiding places as their mentor and friend stormed up the stairs in a fit of rage. They glanced worriedly at each other. "Should we help clean up Lola?" Both women slapped Fitz at the same time exclaiming the familiar mantra of "Don't touch Lola" in union because even when trying to be helpful, they knew that they could and would be murdered in a brutal and violent way if any of them dared to touch Lola.

 

Melinda May spent the morning in peace just enjoying the sky with the knowledge of her retaliation in the back of her mind. When an angry Phil entered her cockpit, Melinda was smiling slightly at the memory of Lola. "You've gone too far this time Melinda May. This has to stop now. No one touches my Lola." Melinda quietly switched to auto pilot before turning to face Phil. At the sight of him all puffed up and red out of anger, she burst into joyful laughter. Phil stopped yelling out of confusion before joining her.

 

"I'm sorry Phil; you just look so out of character. You're right though, we need to stop this. I went a bit too far this time. This is my fault. Don't worry, I'll help clean up Lola." He looked a bit wary at this statement after all it could be another prank, yet Phil was happy to forgive and forget. She was the woman that he loved after all even if no one much less Melinda knew of his feelings. They both smiled at each other knowing full well that there would be no lasting damage because of this war unless of course Lola's sexy paint job couldn't be fixed. (winky face)

 

He turned to leave before adding "I hope syrup washes off otherwise Director Fury will have to arrange a funeral." "Don't worry," Melinda replied as she followed him down the stairs "I googled 'how to wash syrup off cars' before hand."


End file.
